TIME FOR PERSONAL RESOLVE

For a while now I have had some adequate time of personal reflection. I have had an opportunity to mingle with a sector that had been cut off from my life for over 15 years - the rural folk.

First my life had to make do with the rude shock of being out of employment after the major mothballing anouncement by my company in August 2014. This was to open up a new dimension in my life. Life presented me with not only a lot of options but also a myriad of ideas and fears as well. So in short I was supposed to learn and learn fast; I was to learn how to cope in the new environment otherwise known as new markets. I was to learn how to create good relations with the rural population. Though most importantly I was to learn how to create or identify business needs in this new environment and swiftly move to satisfy the said needs at a profit. In short I was to become an entrepreneur overnight.

And so I came up with business ideas and tried my hand on one or two ventures. However in my own findings I realised that our culture and traditions can be limiting as I have not been able to venture in areas where people get good money. Most of those are considered as not clean or morally thanks to my highly religious family background.

However it is a high time that I must make a great resolve which may not go down well with most of the people in my life but life has to move on.
Most of my life has been spent trying to shrink myself. Trying to become smaller. Quieter. Less sensitive. Less opinionated. Less needy. Because I didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want to be too much or push people away. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be cared for and valued. I wanted to be wanted. So for years, I sacrificed myself for the sake of making other people happy. And for years, I suffered. But I’m tired of suffering, and I’m done shrinking. It’s not my job to change who I am in order to become someone else’s idea of a worthwhile human being. I am worthwhile. Not because other people think I am, but because I exist, and therefore I matter. My thoughts matter. My feelings matter. My voice matters. And with or without anyone’s permission or approval, I will continue to be who I am and speak my truth. Even if it makes people angry. Even if it makes them uncomfortable. Even if they choose to leave. I refuse to shrink. I choose to take up space. I choose to honor my feelings. I choose to give myself permission to get my needs met. I choose me.

My appologies in advance incase I will step on any ones toes or rough them the wrong way while at it. May be we will just have to be pursuaded to believe that the more thing change the more they become the same.