Thursday, 15 October 2015
ARE YOU REALLY INDEPENDEND MINDED?
In life we are prone to make mistakes. One can make a mistake that is tantamount to causing others harm or a mistake that can only lead to self destruction In other terms we can say that "to err is human." However in real sense there is still more beyond erring that is human. Indeed there is perfectly more human sense before and beyond erring than there is in erring itself. So we can only say that erring is human but not perfectly human.
In life we have standards and norms. These so called standards and norms are the yardstick against which we are judged by society. This yardstick is different from one community to the other, from one society to the other, from one family to the other and from one hood to the other. However we also acknowledge that in life we must also have deviants. Deviants are just a natural phenomena in any system and every system has its own way of dealing with its deviants. That is what makes the system whole. Any deviation that can cause individual harm can also cause harm to the whole system.
We can only conclude that there is no perfect system or no perfect component within any system. That is why there are checks and balances, monitoring and evaluation. However good and bad are only relative to individual, society, family, community, organisation or system in question. All this can be very confusing and can put humanity at great conflict with each other.
One of the human needs we learnt at school is the need to be loved or to be likeable. This very need conflicts in actual sense with the desire for one self to be independent minded. Indeed even those who claim to be independent minded only do so in word but not in deed. Society has been coined in such a manner that real independent mindedness would plunge us into a whole quagmire. We have grown up knowing to be sensitive to others, especially those we fear and not respect. I refer to fear because fear is a one way phenomenon as opposed to respect which is a two way traffic We see this whole scenario in church sermons where we only listen but are not allowed to question. In short we are there to be seen and not to be heard.
The above example is how most of us have been socialized. We have been brought up in families whose figureheads we have learnt to fear over time. We have over time acquired double personalities where we exemplify the good admirable qualities while near our good families but can as well be a whole lot of different personalities while away. We live different lives in the city for instance but totally live differently the few times we go visiting our rural forks. We benchmark our standards by changing goal posts so much that we have become strangers even to our own selves. This whole fact has been embodied even in our churches and institutions of governance. This is the hypocrisy of our day to day lives.
However those who choose to be true to their own selves are seen as being wayward and may not be acceptable in society. Being true to own self makes one to live a fulfilling life; a life where they know that they are not answerable to any one and where they are fully responsible for their own action. They call themselves independent and give meaning to the very word.
In life we have standards and norms. These so called standards and norms are the yardstick against which we are judged by society. This yardstick is different from one community to the other, from one society to the other, from one family to the other and from one hood to the other. However we also acknowledge that in life we must also have deviants. Deviants are just a natural phenomena in any system and every system has its own way of dealing with its deviants. That is what makes the system whole. Any deviation that can cause individual harm can also cause harm to the whole system.
We can only conclude that there is no perfect system or no perfect component within any system. That is why there are checks and balances, monitoring and evaluation. However good and bad are only relative to individual, society, family, community, organisation or system in question. All this can be very confusing and can put humanity at great conflict with each other.
One of the human needs we learnt at school is the need to be loved or to be likeable. This very need conflicts in actual sense with the desire for one self to be independent minded. Indeed even those who claim to be independent minded only do so in word but not in deed. Society has been coined in such a manner that real independent mindedness would plunge us into a whole quagmire. We have grown up knowing to be sensitive to others, especially those we fear and not respect. I refer to fear because fear is a one way phenomenon as opposed to respect which is a two way traffic We see this whole scenario in church sermons where we only listen but are not allowed to question. In short we are there to be seen and not to be heard.
The above example is how most of us have been socialized. We have been brought up in families whose figureheads we have learnt to fear over time. We have over time acquired double personalities where we exemplify the good admirable qualities while near our good families but can as well be a whole lot of different personalities while away. We live different lives in the city for instance but totally live differently the few times we go visiting our rural forks. We benchmark our standards by changing goal posts so much that we have become strangers even to our own selves. This whole fact has been embodied even in our churches and institutions of governance. This is the hypocrisy of our day to day lives.
However those who choose to be true to their own selves are seen as being wayward and may not be acceptable in society. Being true to own self makes one to live a fulfilling life; a life where they know that they are not answerable to any one and where they are fully responsible for their own action. They call themselves independent and give meaning to the very word.
Tuesday, 13 October 2015
TIME FOR PERSONAL RESOLVE
For a while now I have had some adequate time of personal reflection. I have had an opportunity to mingle with a sector that had been cut off from my life for over 15 years - the rural folk.
First my life had to make do with the rude shock of being out of employment after the major mothballing anouncement by my company in August 2014. This was to open up a new dimension in my life. Life presented me with not only a lot of options but also a myriad of ideas and fears as well. So in short I was supposed to learn and learn fast; I was to learn how to cope in the new environment otherwise known as new markets. I was to learn how to create good relations with the rural population. Though most importantly I was to learn how to create or identify business needs in this new environment and swiftly move to satisfy the said needs at a profit. In short I was to become an entrepreneur overnight.
And so I came up with business ideas and tried my hand on one or two ventures. However in my own findings I realised that our culture and traditions can be limiting as I have not been able to venture in areas where people get good money. Most of those are considered as not clean or morally thanks to my highly religious family background.
However it is a high time that I must make a great resolve which may not go down well with most of the people in my life but life has to move on.
Most of my life has been spent trying to shrink myself. Trying to become smaller. Quieter. Less sensitive. Less opinionated. Less needy. Because I didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want to be too much or push people away. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be cared for and valued. I wanted to be wanted. So for years, I sacrificed myself for the sake of making other people happy. And for years, I suffered. But I’m tired of suffering, and I’m done shrinking. It’s not my job to change who I am in order to become someone else’s idea of a worthwhile human being. I am worthwhile. Not because other people think I am, but because I exist, and therefore I matter. My thoughts matter. My feelings matter. My voice matters. And with or without anyone’s permission or approval, I will continue to be who I am and speak my truth. Even if it makes people angry. Even if it makes them uncomfortable. Even if they choose to leave. I refuse to shrink. I choose to take up space. I choose to honor my feelings. I choose to give myself permission to get my needs met. I choose me.
My appologies in advance incase I will step on any ones toes or rough them the wrong way while at it. May be we will just have to be pursuaded to believe that the more thing change the more they become the same.
First my life had to make do with the rude shock of being out of employment after the major mothballing anouncement by my company in August 2014. This was to open up a new dimension in my life. Life presented me with not only a lot of options but also a myriad of ideas and fears as well. So in short I was supposed to learn and learn fast; I was to learn how to cope in the new environment otherwise known as new markets. I was to learn how to create good relations with the rural population. Though most importantly I was to learn how to create or identify business needs in this new environment and swiftly move to satisfy the said needs at a profit. In short I was to become an entrepreneur overnight.
And so I came up with business ideas and tried my hand on one or two ventures. However in my own findings I realised that our culture and traditions can be limiting as I have not been able to venture in areas where people get good money. Most of those are considered as not clean or morally thanks to my highly religious family background.
However it is a high time that I must make a great resolve which may not go down well with most of the people in my life but life has to move on.
Most of my life has been spent trying to shrink myself. Trying to become smaller. Quieter. Less sensitive. Less opinionated. Less needy. Because I didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want to be too much or push people away. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be cared for and valued. I wanted to be wanted. So for years, I sacrificed myself for the sake of making other people happy. And for years, I suffered. But I’m tired of suffering, and I’m done shrinking. It’s not my job to change who I am in order to become someone else’s idea of a worthwhile human being. I am worthwhile. Not because other people think I am, but because I exist, and therefore I matter. My thoughts matter. My feelings matter. My voice matters. And with or without anyone’s permission or approval, I will continue to be who I am and speak my truth. Even if it makes people angry. Even if it makes them uncomfortable. Even if they choose to leave. I refuse to shrink. I choose to take up space. I choose to honor my feelings. I choose to give myself permission to get my needs met. I choose me.
My appologies in advance incase I will step on any ones toes or rough them the wrong way while at it. May be we will just have to be pursuaded to believe that the more thing change the more they become the same.
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